088. ぐぅううぅ・・・～
I'm starving, and it's 2:58pm. But there's no food at home.
And mom doesn't look like she's in any mood to get me any food from anywhere either.
So I'm starving here. Trying to feed myself -- gummy candy.
Which is very, very delicious, yes, but I want food that I can actually stuff my tummy with so it will shut the fuck up and stop making weird sounds.
Actually, if I would very kindly go up to my mom and ask her or dad to get me something to eat, they probably will. But no. That's like telling them I've given in and I'm no where near willing to lose yet HAHAHAAAAAA---

I'm so hungry. ;____;


I want to drink too --
But the drinks refrigerator is in my parents' room.


-goes off to rot in a corner-

- - - - -

I just realized that I never actually got on to do that 16 facts meme mammaria tagged me in, and since I don't want to make 923874923874 posts in a day I'll just add it on to here. 8D



1. I love horror films, even if it make me all paranoid, especially at night. But, I cannot stand anything to do with blood or gore, alright. The type that I like is the type that haunts you at night, and you become unconsciously more aware of your surroundings because you neeeeverrr know what's going to come next...

2. I really fucking hate the summer. You get sweaty for just standing outdoors and my make-up melts within the first ten minutes of walking out of the house. And it's worse if you're living in Hong Kong.

3. I tend to celebrate a birthmonth instead of a birthday. I like to spoil myself not just on January 17, but on the whole month of January :)

4. I am one of those people who never (and I do seriously mean never) reads books but then, likes to make a huge fuss out of spelling and grammar. I've never gotten past the first chapter of the first book of Harry Potter, y'know? Haha.

5. I used to be the kind of girl who didn't care about her appearance at all. I would randomly grab garments of cloth from the closet to put on, and I also despised make up because apparently, I didn't understand why anyone would want to slap that 'shit' onto their face. I also mocked the people who spent hours choosing their clothes in the morning because "It's just stupid" and haha, I was such a sad, sad loser who never had any friends and was pretty much the 'outcast' in class, and all I cared about before was getting good grades and pleasing my parents in every way possible --

And then things got better when I came back to Hong Kong in Grade 4 because I met Sophie, who gradually taught me what socializing and actually making friends was all about. And then I met Audrey, who showed me that no, life isn't all about studying and that at times, you just need to have fun. And then I also got to get close to Kristie and Natalie, which made our group of five a nice variety of different types of people with different personalities, and through those three years of being with them, I've learnt how to be a more approachable person in general. (But according to gothicstarz and Moses, and other people who 'knew' me since junior school, I was known as 'the bitch'. Wow.)

Then in high school, I realized that being 'friendly' and having a 'good personality' was apparently, just something that people saw as a side dish. I really disliked the way people in our school viewed people according to their 'status' and the way they appeared to be, and in order to make people accept you, you must be 'fashionable & trendy'. So I was determined to change that. I eventually picked up make-up, and went through 293874928374 different fashion phases and in most of them, people just saw me as 'weird', and yes, even when I look back now I just think "WHAT THE FUCK, HOW DID I WALK OUT OF THE HOUSE LOOKING LIKE THAT?!" but okaystfu I've gone through massive improvements now, I hope. Up until Grade 10, no one approved of cosplay or shounen-ai or even anime/manga because all the people who did like it were seen as the 'nerds' or something ridiculous like that. But then I kind of uhh -- forced it onto my friends so now half the people I know have turned into fujoshis. :'D

The thing is, you see, now I'm not even sure which one is the 'real' me anymore. HAHA. I've been through too many phases -- no, not just appearance-wise, but personality-wise. I'm still pretty damn arrogant to everyone in general but I'm SURE I'm not just made of ego and pride. Oh, well -- if I really am then I should start to do something about it... >>;


Oh look. Now you found out about my sad, sad past. Isn't that amazing?


6. My mother went out of her room so I ran in to grab a drink and -- OHOHO I HAVE A DRINK NOW. I. HAVE. A DRIIIIIIIINKKKK. NOW. 8D♥

7. I love Ayato♥ I really do. :')

8. I almost never do my homework and yet I somehow always manage to get away with it. I don't know how that happens because some of my classmates get into so much shit for one incomplete task and I have a whole fucking row of incomplete assignments and -- ahaha, I don't know. I think a lot of my teachers have given up on me already.

9. I have -- too many 'different' groups of friends. I'm not too picky with friends and I'm generally okay with everyone as long as they're nice and I've already kind of -- filtered them in terms of which are 'close' friends and which are 'just friends'... but even for 'close' friends I have too many small groups of different friends and it's so hard to decide what to do for my birthday party. At first, I was going to invite everyone but already, I could see the problems with y'know, lack of topics to talk about for some people and just -- it'll be so damn awkward. >>;

10. It's now 4.46pm. I'm starving the fuck out of myself okay. I really want to eat. But my ego wouldn't let me give the fuck up and just -- ask my mother. WHY AM I SO STUBBORN. SOMEONE SAVE ME. SOMEONE FEEEED ME.

11. Dilemma. I want to cut my hair but at the same time, I don't because I've been growing it out for so long and it still hasn't reached the length I want it to be so I'm a little hesitant about cutting it. I also want to dye it but I know my mother will start lecturing me if I even dare to mention it so I'm really, not bothered. -___-;

12. I write e-mails to Ayato everyday even though we already see each other everyday because y'know, there are things that I simply refuse to voice out in person and I think I'm more expressive in my writing. :)

13. I'm tired of getting hate vibes from certain people for things that I haven't done. Some girl in school (lower year) apparently, really hates me because I look really bitchy and she thinks that I'm cheap. Hah. Fuck you. Shut up, and just get a life. When I asked people who she was, turns out she was the same girl who slapped Joslyn across the face for some stupid issue over a guy they both liked, or something like that, if I remember correctly. Kim -- Kimberly? Was that her name? D:

14. I'm also tired of family drama because the house has a really weird atmosphere in the air and it feels difficult to breathe in.

15. I love, love, love, really love, Ayato♥

16. "Let's make a baby~♥" ← AHAHAHAHA!! xD