Because it's too late for a detailed post. Why are my posts always done at midnight anyway? Buh. Sleepy. Sleeeepppyyyy...

Sorry if that killed your brain a little. And to those who can actually spot the volcano eruptions on my face, GJ. D8 Also. Note old style make-up? Thick eyeliner, no false lashes, no mascara. LOL. OTZ so unbothered nowadays. Fuck you, school.

ANYWAY BED BED BED BED BEDTIME FOR ME NOW. :0

It could be, but probably not. It hasn't come this month when it should have already, according to the date, but skipping a month isn't all that uncommon for me either, so I'm not too worried. And I'm definitely not going to complain here, since it's nice not to have to worry about the -- mess. But I suspect it's something like PMS. Or just -- stress in general. Or my pimples. Just two days ago I had the biggest volcanic eruption on my face and it's making my life a fucking misery. That or, something is wrong with the world. Or me. Most probably the latter. I've been feeling a little abandoned lately, and just slightly out of place. Everywhere, with everyone. I know, doesn't sound like that big a deal, right? But it is. It's not a nice feeling at all. It's not like I'm depressed? I'm not particularly too upset about anything either although saying that I'm not upset about anything at all would be a lie. But nothing that should be big enough an impact to make me feel this way? Something's definitely affecting me though, in the way I behave, the way I think -- it's kind of like -- it's not like I don't have people close to me for me to share problems with, but well, I guess I do generally have a problem expressing them and just bringing myself to trust people, but that -- isn't quite it?

When I think about it more precisely, it's also sort of like the feeling of being betrayed or let down by someone whom you trust, trusted, or think you can trust. I don't know if that's an issue for anyone here but take me for example, I find it extremely difficult to fully open up to people. I consider myself pretty friendly with everyone, and to those I fancy less I have no problem honestly expressing my dislike and opinions but at least from what I have been told, and what I understand of myself, I'm not very good at opening up to others. AND THIS REALLY IS SUCH A STRANGE FEELING.

I didn't think I'd talk to anyone about my problems again, in fact -- I didn't actually. I suggested to this one person that I was feeling a little sickened by things and somewhere or something is making me feel slightly uncomfortable and it's bugging me terribly. I didn't express anything specific, because I have yet to find out for myself. And -- how should I put this without sounding horrible? We're really not that -- physically close anymore -- as in, we don't really hang out in/out of school that much nowadays but we're still -- close friends? And because I was probably the one who abandoned them, I honestly didn't expect them to care, or bother with someone like me. But.


Fiona, can I call you?

Please turn your phone on.

You don't have to talk.




I'm here.

Still here.

Still here.

Still here.

Not going away.

Still here.


They are no big words, and they certainly are not anything special with deep, deep meaning either. But I suppose it was the rightness of them during that moment? It felt so appropriate. I mean, something just hit me, and I broke down crying for no apparent reason. It -- touched -- me? Is that how you would normally put it? I felt so silly afterwards.

I'm so thankful to have someone like you. :)

Sorry to be so terribly dead on LJ lately! D': School hasn't been very nice in terms of giving out homework and making us worry fuckloads about IB and university apps and what not. So I guess I just really haven't been in the mood for blogging and couldn't quite find some good, spare time to make a proper post. But! The tough-tough time has gone by and now I can say that I feel much more relaxed about both school and life. Although -- now that I rethink about it, I actually have quite a decent amount of homework for next week (And just when I thought I could have some good rest... this never ends, does it?), so if you don't see me updating for another long while you'll know what's going on. In fact, I'm not even sure if anyone still bothers reading this journal? My life hasn't been very interesting at all and as much as I'd like to share doodles, photos and all my exciting experiences with you lot there really is none. :(

But but but! Ming Zhe came back from Australia today!♥ Went to pick her up at the airport with Ayato and was so -- fucking -- nervous. And ecstatic through the whole time we waited for her at the arrival halls. Her family was there and it was pretty cool to see her mom again! ;-; As usual, she's a very funky and happy mumma. :B Anyway, quite unexpectedly we were allowed to steal her away to have dinner since I had planned beforehand to dinner with Dickson, Michael and Vista but well, didn't think Ming Zhe would come along since she kinda shoulddd have spent the first day back with her family instead (I almost felt rude for turning up and snagging their daughter away on their long-awaited family reunion, although I tried to convince myself that it was 'alright' because I had spoken to Ming-mama the night before to see if she was cool with the idea and she seemed pretty chill with it 8D) -- ANYWAY. MING ZHE IS NOW BACK IN HONG KONG FOR TWO MONTHS, WAS IT?! lasjdflaksjdflak. Everything will be amazing. And Kevin (sai lo♥) will be coming back next week, probably Wednesday or something so AHHHHH CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM TOO. :'D

Anyway. Quite a number of photos below this cut and it's mainly -- me and Ayato and -- some -- very interesting shots of Moses and his nostrils? :B♥



( THE MOST WONDERFUL PHOTO COLLECTION OF BEAUTIFUL NOSTRILS )

EDIT:// Oh and yes, I did dye my hair again, just two days ago! It probably looks black in some of the photos but it's actually a dark brown (the hair colour is called 'Dark Chocolat', from the Liese bubble hairdye series). I've also been putting a lot of effort into moisturizing my lips and constantly applying lip balm because I got a new chapstick and it was for $8HKD! D: That is amazingly cheap. And it's cherry flavoured so I like, I like. ♥ Chap Ice, anyone? So uhh -- in my older pictures (anything without my dark hair) I normally put lip concealer/foundation over my lips to cover the redness but recently I -- haven't been doing that because foundation and lipbalm do not mix very well for me. So yes, my lips look redder than usual, but that's their natural colour... now you know why I want to cover them up? 8D; CHAP ICEEEEEEE♥ Need more flavours. MOREEEEE.

Haven't updated this journal in ages it seems, and now that I'm finally in the mood for writing an entry I really don't know what to write. Yes, I'm going through another down time. It's happening a lot recently, isn't it? Kinda like one day, I'm feeling all happy and ecstatic about something, and then the next, something horrible happens so I just feel like barfing more than writing at the end of the day.

The reason why I'm writing today is -- partially because IOC's are finally over and -- whilst I'd like to celebrate it I just can't bring myself to. And some other issues came up so it's not like I'm all that relaxed either. I think I feel like vomiting again.

I'd -- love to tell you all about it but I'd really rather not. Some people find it more comforting to talk to another person about things that are bothering them but for me, I just feel a bit stressed out when I am questioned about things that I would really, really rather forget about for the time being. Once everything has been resolved, then sure, I don't mind telling anyone about anything but -- with things the way they are right now, I'd appreciate it if everyone would keep quiet instead. :)


On the brighter side of things, I bought my real mixstyle headphones again!♥ And yes, it's the same pink ones I had before. I broke my previous pair during summer and have been sore about it ever since... but it's good to have them back. HAUUUU~♥ And yes, I say 'real' because in Hong Kong, they've been selling fake ones all around and it's pissing me off like crazy. I hope Ayato gets the white base, black star ones soon :'D

Also, there's this something that has been on my mind since last night and I have been giving it a lot of thought throughout the day actually... if all goes well, I'll probably be living with Ayato starting next summer and lol, it's such a dramatic change that whilst it's easy to imagine it as a really perfect and wonderful life, it probably won't be in real. -laughs- If so, how exactly will our lifestyle be like during then? So far, the only image I have in my head is Ayato cooking, cleaning up the house, doing the laundry, fixing the bed, etc whilst I'm lazing off on the sofa reading manga or sleeping...

Hmm. :0

I am feeling extremely guilty for posting this late, but better than never, right? D:
On Wednesday (November 11), we had our first year anniversary. ♥
It's kinda funny that I'm so overwhelmed by it that -- the more I try to fuss about it, the more I end up giving up and just wanting to keep things low profile. Perhaps it's the fear of possibly letting my mom know too much and then repeating all that drama we had from some months ago... really don't want that. Not when we've come so far and made so, so much progress with the relationship. It's already been a year, babyyyyy ♥ Can you believe it? :')

We had originally planned to go take purikura that day, but I looked horrible (I know, what a failure I really am for screwing up on such an important day) so we ended up not doing that. And surprisingly, we didn't do anything too fancy or extravagant and just kept things at a very simple level; I think it's the first time in years that I've appreciated something so much, despite it being just a very, very ordinary day.

Haaaah, I feel like the happiest person on earth right now.




But not exactly because I am so broke and so broke and so broke
fuckitmywalletfeelssoempty asldkfalskdfj ;A;!

Also, I'm really sorry for not replying to comments and I honestly have no other reason aside from just being lazy old me. ;___; I'm also very bad at going back to reply to them because by the time I do, I've already lost what I wanted to say and even if I do reply, it's probably a lot of incoherent shit orz. I am so sorry. ;A;